No plan

I'm a planner. I depend on a plan. Almost to a fault in that if the plan changes, I can roll with it, but inside I'm boiling with frustration, disappointment, and often resentment because "this is not the way we planned it!" Anyone get me on that? My husband often bears the brunt of it... Example A: We take a camping trip to PA for the weekend. We plan to drive back on Saturday and camp in the Shenandoah. Saturday, we're running late (already a deviation from the plan), and quickly running out of daylight too. Me = mildly frustrated, silent, trying to convince myself "it's ok, let's just get to where we're going." We make it to Shenandoah and find out you have to pay $15 just to enter the national park, lame. New plan, find a campground nearby not in the park. Me = annoyed, anxious, starting to become a little more vocal about it. Steve is now experiencing my anxiety along with some of his own, and there is an urgency like none other to find a place to stay and quick. Campground #1, full. Continue on our search. Wrong turn. Another wrong turn. Steve is now thinking, she's going to blow a fuse at any given moment! Campground #2, full. Morale = low. What happened to our adventure? I wish someone at that point, could have given me a swift kick in the rear and said, "Hello Helene! Can't you see, you are on an adventure! On a sweet, uncertain adventure with your husband, you know that guy sitting next to you with blood vessels popping out of his neck because he's so utterly concerned with pleasing you and not letting you down, by the way, cut him some slack for taking a few wrong turns, do you know where to go? Literally sit back, enjoy the ride, breathe, laugh for God's sake!" Well, I didn't get the message. I was stuck on the fact that our plan was not panning out. Campground #3, vacancy! Relief? No! Campground #3 was a random spot in the middle of the woods like straight out of Blair Witch project, and I'm like, "Oh yeah, this is perfect, I feel entirely safe!" Steve is desperate, I am unsympathetic. We ended up driving home to Richmond that night and eventually reconciled and both repented, sought and extended forgiveness. Although a seemingly trivial example, it serves as a necessary reminder that our plans often unravel and do not turn out how we intend or expect. To give myself some credit, I have grown A LOT in this area and am learning much about the benefit of taking each day, each moment as it comes and considering it a gift regardless of how it really comes at you. This past year was truly a year of plans changing constantly, without warning. From our multiple job transitions to my knee injury, I mean seriously, could things have gone any more awry? What I am also learning is that the plan that is reality is better than mine because it's written and carried out by God, our good, loving, faithful Creator and Savior. In light of this, we've been considering our future plans and again, have realized that our plans usually don't go as planned, not to say they're pointless, but we have certainly, I have certainly been gripping them too tightly rather than holding them with an open palm, sharing our desires and goals with the Lord yet allowing and trusting him to work. So what's the plan for the future? We have no plan. Ok, that's not entirely true. We still have a definite plan to pay off our remaining debt, which God has affirmed and consistently provided for, but as for where we're going, what we're doing, well, for now, we're here in Richmond indefinitely, serving God, praying that He would make his plan clear and that we would have courage to follow it, and relying on the Spirit to keep our minds open to whatever he may call us to and when. This is quite challenging for me, you know, being a devout planner and all, but let me tell you, it's freeing, oh is it freeing!