Strugs

To today's teenager strugs means struggling or not having it all together. So they tell me. This defines me today. If I'm honest, I'm strugs everyday no matter what image I seem to put forward. I'm strugs because Steve is working like a dog, and I'm jealous for his time. I want to enjoy his company, and I want his help around the house. Sometimes I feel lonely. Sometimes I feel bitter. Sometimes I feel indifferent, which is just a mask for the loneliness and bitterness. Hear me: this is not Steve's fault. This is my fault. I let emotions and sin determine my mood and instruct my words/actions far too often. It sucks that Steve has to work so much. Dad, I know you hate that word, but sometimes you just have to call it like it is. It sucks! We both think so. We are hopeful that this is a season, that his company will soon hire more people to balance the workload. In the meantime, the solution is not to pull up our bootstraps and push through, and it is certainly not to let my emotions get the best of me and use my words as a stick to beat Steve until he bleeds or quits. The solution is to lean on grace. To ask God to help and give us what we need in weak moments. To be honest with one another yet tender and compassionate. That is NOT natural for me. Some of you are nodding your heads right now. Shame on you. Just kidding. You obviously know me. Not soft and calm, but direct and raw. Is there a way to be all of those at once? I think so. Not there yet. Still strugs.

I'm strugs because I'm thinking about feeling anxious over the future. What does that look like?

I'm strugs because every. single. day. I think far too much about what other people think of me. Ew. Gross. How do I shake that?

Maybe you can relate?

The thing that encourages me most in all of this is that there is One who is never strugs but always strong. I/we can rely on him. I need Jesus because (spoiler alert) I'm unreliable, probably a little crazy, and definitely bound for disaster if left to my own devices. So in my struggling I try not to despair but to say "I don't have it all together" with confidence because Jesus hears and helps.